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Change
happens, whether you want it or not.
So, learn to make lemonade out of the lemons you are given.
Change can be exhilarating. Change can be bad. However, unless
the things that are changing involve an illness (and there too you
have a lot of influence on the outcome) or death, -- you can take
charge of what is happening to you.
Position your mind so that it is constructive, rather than destructive;
speak positively to yourself, the inner dialog is sometimes the
hardest to bear.
Finding fault is only good for diagnosing a problem, it is not
there for you to beat up on yourself or to get revenge. So, to make
the absolute best of the unexpected changes in your life:
Stay focused, don't let misfortune make you act like a chicken
with its head cut off.
Look how you can reorient yourself - make a plan to adapt to the
changes and make it full of positive actions. There is the old adage
that if one door closes, another one opens.
But it is up to you to locate that new door and actually open it.
Stay calm. Many people run around and shout that the sky
is falling, this makes you look like a loose cannon and who wants
to be around that?
Analyze, what is happening, is the change really disastrous
or can you turn it around to make it a good thing? Often we are
stuck in a comfortable life or business place and are now forced
to move. Of course, the unknown is scary and it takes courage to
make the leap, especially if you haven't initiated it.
Identify what you really want. This is the time, that you
have the chance to get that poster board out and glue on all the
images of things that seem unattainable and unrealistic previously.
Research has shown that those of us who document our dreams and
goals ( albeit ones that have potential for success) have a much
greater chance of reaching them than those who don't.
Look at yourself and your talents realistically. Make a
list of them,; lists are calming and reassuring, they give you a
path to follow and let you realize that you do have something under
your control. This is not the moment to dwell on your weaknesses
and to tell everyone around you how incapable you are of taking
care of yourself.
That being said, if you think you have significant weaknesses,
now is the time to work on them. Fill in those gaps, educate yourself.
Take classes at your local community colleges, they are inexpensive
and often very good at raising your levels of expertise. Another
good source is your local adult high school which also offers good,
basic courses.
Know where to go for help! If you've lost your job, for
example, consult an expert. Patti Wilson from the Career Company
(www.careercompany.com)
has successfully helped hundreds of clients find jobs, even in economic
downturns. Seek the help of a professional organizer who can put
your office and paperwork in order (there is an organization of
professional organizers in your area) so that you can see clearer,
this will also help put your inner self on track. Don't forget to
get your finances straight as well, ask for financial advice and
listen until you yourself understand where you are now and where
you want to be financially in the next 5 or 10 years.
Tell friends how to help you and if they have good ideas,
follow through with their suggestions. There is nothing more frustrating
as giving advice to someone who asks for it and then he or she doesn't
do anything, only to call a while later to ask for help with the
same issue. It is a better idea, in this case, for you to go to
a psychologist who can give the support that friends can't give
in the amount and depth that you might need.
Realize that you get to correct your mistakes. Change often
means meeting and working with new people in new situations and
this gives you the opportunity to do things in a different way.
You are given the chance to evaluate your past actions - the "what
were you thinking" scenarios - and you can use your lessons
learned to avoid doing the same things that were detrimental to
you in the past.
Let go of the past. Fred Luskin, a professor at Stanford
University, has been working on the Art of Forgiveness for many
years. He has brokered forgiveness between the IRA and the British
- and, if they can find it in themselves to forgive, so can you.
Some women who have gone through a difficult divorce, often remain
bitter and can't move on. They reflect on what should have been,
i.e. what was "their due", instead of seeing what avenues
have opened to them,; they now they have the chance to learn something
new and go explore in different directions. And, they often come
to find that life is livable and enjoyable - even without a man
around.
Give yourself a break, do something nice for yourself that
boosts your ego; for example, get yourself in shape --mentally and
physically. And, stay away from nasty, overcritical people. Realize
that change can make you stronger, more competent and, bottom line,
it is the good side of getting older.
If you just can't get out of the revolving circle of your problems,
do something for others. 20% of the US economy comes from the not
for profit sector, go out and be a part of it. You will find that
if you volunteer and do good, it is not only good for you, but things
will come back to you that you never anticipated. You will have
the satisfaction of having contributed to the well being of your
community and your adopted philosophy may become "We must be
the change we wish to see in the world."
Angelika Blendstrup, PhD, is a business communications consultant
(www.professional-business-communications.com)
who helps foreign-born executives with problems understanding the
complexities of American business culture and the English language
to communicate effectively. Learn more about
Angelika...
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